We don’t grieve in straight lines. We grieve in loops—through routines that suddenly feel hollow, through rooms that echo with the absence of footsteps or a familiar collar jingle, through the small rituals that once stitched our days together.
When a pet passes, it’s never “just an animal.” It’s the loss of a family member, a daily rhythm, and the emotional anchor that helped keep life in balance. Treating that reality as a footnote compounds the hurt and misses an enormous opportunity: to approach pet loss differently—before, during, and after goodbye.
This is the heart of a culture of care around pet loss: acknowledging the full human–animal bond and creating structures at home, in clinics, at work, and in communities that meet grief with validation and compassion. Anything less is performative sympathy. Anything more is overdue progress.
Anticipatory grief: where real grief begins
For many, grief doesn’t start the day a pet passes. It begins the moment we truly understand they will. Anticipatory grief shows up after a diagnosis, during a slow decline, or in intuitive moments when you sense a change you can’t yet name.
Though heavy, anticipatory grief can also be clarifying. It invites us to ask better questions and make intentional choices: Where should my pet spend their final moments? Who needs to be present? What does a peaceful goodbye look like? This isn’t morbid—it’s love that is connected, practical, and compassionate. With a plan, you gain a sense of agency in an experience that otherwise feels chaotic, focusing on presence over panic, ritual over regret, and meaning over confusion.
Disenfranchised grief: when loss is minimized
Pet loss is too often minimized by families, friends, and workplaces. That minimization is called disenfranchised grief—when a very real loss receives little validation, leaving the grieving person isolated, second-guessing their feelings, or rushing back into “performance mode” before they are ready.
We cannot heal what we do not acknowledge. For healthier people and cultures, we must stop treating a pet’s death as a private inconvenience and start treating it as a legitimate bereavement that deserves time, language, and support.
The sticky emotion: guilt
Guilt is grief’s most persuasive saboteur—the endless “what if” loop about treatment, timing, or euthanasia. It deepens when society downplays pet loss, making grievers blame themselves for “feeling too much.”
The antidote isn’t platitudes; it’s process. Preparation during anticipatory grief reduces second-guessing later. So does a deliberate self-care plan in the days and weeks after loss: limit exposure to dismissive people, take time off if possible, and allow yourself one small task a day. Guilt loosens when replaced with ritual, validation, and community.
Ritual is not “extra”—it’s essential
Grief is invisible; ritual makes it tangible. Memorialization—whether a home altar, a planted tree, a commissioned artwork, or an annual candle lighting—anchors meaning where there is otherwise only absence.
These gestures don’t trap you in the past. They honour a relationship that continues internally even after it ends physically. In a culture that rushes grief, ritual is the counterweight. It says, “Begin here.”
The workplace: a setting for healing—or harm
No one expects an employee to perform at peak the day after losing a human family member. Yet many are expected to “be fine” after a pet’s death. That’s not only cruel but solvable.
Forward-thinking employers are beginning to offer pet loss bereavement leave, flexible arrangements, support services, and manager training. The business case is simple: humane policies improve retention and productivity. The human case is simpler: people work better when their pain is treated with dignity.
A changing landscape
Across clinics, communities, and workplaces, recognition of the human–animal bond is growing. Peer and professional bereavement groups, partnerships between veterinarians and grief specialists, humane travel policies, and public memorial events are becoming more common.
This is not a niche movement—it’s a societal reframing of what it means to love an animal and to mourn responsibly.
Practical, compassionate next steps
If you’re in anticipatory grief:
- Take an hour this week to plan: location, people, aftercare, memorialization.
- Share the plan with your veterinary team and a trusted friend.
- Carve out intentional moments: favourite foods (if safe), short rides, naps in the sun, or quiet cuddles.
- Capture photos or voice notes—mementos that will matter later.
If you’ve just said goodbye:
- Shrink your to-do list. One task per day is enough.
- Use available leave or seek a medical pause if needed.
- Build rituals: light a candle, place their tag somewhere visible, or write weekly letters.
- Avoid dismissive people; seek those who understand.
If you lead a team:
- Codify pet loss bereavement (3–5 days).
- Equip managers with a compassionate playbook.
- Offer memorial spaces, digital or physical.
- Partner with grief services and veterinary practices for credible support.
If you work in the pet ecosystem:
- Train staff in grief-sensitive communication.
- Prepare families with clear, compassionate language.
- Curate resources for support groups and memorial artists.
The takeaway
Pet loss will never be painless—nor should it be. Grief is the cost of love, and our love for animals is extraordinary. But suffering alone, rushed, or ashamed is optional.
We can replace minimization with validation, secrecy with ritual, and confusion with plans. We can build workplaces and communities that honour the human cost of “just a pet” thinking.
If you remember nothing else, remember this: you are allowed to grieve as fully as you loved. With plans, rituals, and support, the sharp edges will soften. Guilt will quiet. And the story will shift from “I should have” to “We did our best, with so much love.”
Because they mattered. Still do. Always will.
Koryn Greenspan is a professional Certified Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist, Professional Dog and Puppy Trainer and a passionate advocate for pet wellness and holistic pet care.
As the founder of The Parted Paw, one of the first pet loss bereavement support services in the country, she is committed to raising awareness about pet loss as well disenfranchised grief and helping workplaces foster empathy and understanding for grieving employees who are anticipating or currently grieving the loss of a beloved pet.
More information about The Parted Paw and Koryn can be seen at www.thepartedpaw.com or on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/koryn Email: koryn@thepartedpaw.com
Read more articles by Koryn:
Disenfranchised Grief: Have You Experienced It?
Managing Anticipatory Grief & Embracing the Unseen
Learning About Pet Loss and Ways to Cope
Why Pet Loss and Guilt Are Two Peas in a Pod
Setting a New Standard for Pet Loss Support at Work
