There is something fascinating about grief. Not only is it largely misunderstood, but it is also a self-conscious emotion that people feel great guilt for experiencing.
As a certified pet loss bereavement specialist, many sessions with clients are constructed around processing, understanding, coming to terms with, and settling the grief – as well as the guilt – each has regarding the passing of their beloved pets.
The trajectory of grief is deeply personal, and there is no litmus test for grief. Grief just is, and it is something that has a profound impact on each person going through it. The shared human experience of grieving the loss of our pets has taught me greatly about the human-animal connection, as well as all the beautiful and encouraging ways we can elevate our sadness from loss and come to peaceful, loving memory.
1) Acknowledge and Express Your Grief
Allow yourself to feel sadness, bewilderment, and dissonance from your daily routine due to the loss of your pet. Cry – and cry A LOT. Suppressing emotions can prolong your healing process. When we begin to accept that our feelings are valid, we can begin to normalize the emotional challenges we face. Such challenges can occur while navigating anticipatory grief, in addition to the grief you are experiencing after your pet has passed.
2) Create a Memorial Tribute
Memorial tributes are incredibly personal, individualistic, and sentimental. They can bring an immense sense of comfort to those who are processing the passing of their pet.
Memorial ideas truly are endless. Some include: honouring your pet by planting a tree and having a plaque made with a memory and their name, creating a scrapbook of your favourite memories, or commissioning a memorial item such as a painting, photo, or paw-printed keychain. Another option, which can be incredibly helpful, is writing a letter to your pet who has passed. This is extremely healing, as it helps process grief and preserve cherished moments together.
Another tribute that many people find comforting is planning a celebration of life event for your pet. This is an opportunity to surround yourself with loved ones and honour the life of your beautiful pet. This day can provide closure and a chance to connect to positive emotions and feelings of loving memory.
3) Seek Support
When our pets pass away, it is common to experience a period where the self, in effect, shuts down. This “shut down of self,” if experienced, is usually temporary and is an incredibly vital part of the healing process. As that emotion evolves, and when you’re ready, sharing your feelings with understanding friends and family can be incredibly helpful. Doing this can create space for them to step in and help you begin to step out of your grief.
Another option for grief management is to reach out to pet loss support groups or seek help from a bereavement counselling service such as The Parted Paw. Talking about your pet and their passing in a professional environment provides a safe, practical space to communicate your emotions and receive support from a professional, unbiased, and objective point of view – one that can offer comfort and a deep sense of emotional release.
4) Maintain Routines and Prioritize Self-Care
The inertia of losing a pet can be overwhelming. Our physical and emotional well-being becomes disconnected from our areas of comfort, and we may find it difficult to maintain routines or prioritize self-care.
Allow yourself some grace during the initial period after your beloved pet has passed. It is normal to feel completely out of sorts and unable to cope. To know that this is okay is to understand that this too shall pass. When possible, take small steps every day—these lead to very big results.
Stick to daily routines when you’re able, fuel your body with nutrient-rich foods, engage in physical activity, and let yourself rest as needed. Remember that self-care also includes positive self-talk, self-support, and self-acceptance of the sadness you’re currently going through.
As you begin to re-enter your routines and fully embrace your self-care, your emotional self will begin to heal. With time, you will begin to elevate your grief and come to peaceful, loving memory.
5) Take Time Off Work If Needed
As we begin to recognize that the passing of our pets can elicit deep mental, physical, and emotional responses, we are also beginning to understand that disenfranchised grief has no place in the workplace.
What does this mean?
This means that if you’re experiencing anticipatory grief, requesting time off in advance of your pet’s passing can be an immense help in preparing for grief management. If your pet has already passed, calling HR or speaking with your manager about taking 3 or 4 days off may be an essential part of your self-care and grieving process.
Ultimately, this means that you are deserving of the space and time needed to personally process your pet’s passing—without the implications and pressure of having to perform professionally when you are not operating from a place of strength, emotional wellness, or optimal physical health.
Tying It All Together
What it all comes down to is this: the passing of our pets, without a doubt, presents deep mental, physical, and emotional challenges. These challenges are nearly impossible to heal from if we are also experiencing guilt for the depth of our sadness.
Remember, the goal is always to elevate our grief by coming to peaceful, loving memory. If you are feeling guilty for your sadness over your pet’s passing, know that there are many ways to cope.
Have a good cry. Find creative and meaningful ways to memorialize your pet. Seek support. Maintain your routine and prioritize self-care. Prepare your workplace for the time off you may need.
And most importantly: give yourself grace, time, and love to heal.
Koryn Greenspan is a professional Certified Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist, Professional Dog and Puppy Trainer and a passionate advocate for pet wellness and holistic pet care.
As the founder of The Parted Paw, one of the first pet loss bereavement support services in the country, she is committed to raising awareness about pet loss as well disenfranchised grief and helping workplaces foster empathy and understanding for grieving employees who are anticipating or currently grieving the loss of a beloved pet.
More information about The Parted Paw and Koryn can be seen at www.thepartedpaw.com or on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/koryn Email: koryn@thepartedpaw.com
