Pet loss is complicated.
For the most part—other than assisted suicide in humans or traumatic incidents involving pets—it’s one of the only instances where we, as humans, actively decide if a member of our family will continue living or if it’s time to say goodbye.
When facing end-of-life decisions for our best friends, greatest allies, and closest companions, many questions arise that can perpetuate a deep sense of uncertainty, distress, and complete emotional inertia.
Questions like:
When is it time for my dog to die? Is today the day? How do I know if my cat is in pain? How am I ever going to make this decision—and what do I do?
Each of these questions is essential, and the answers are what ultimately help us come to necessary conclusions and begin taking the next steps forward.
These next steps, however, can definitively break our hearts.
The day comes. The decision is made. A call to the vet is booked, an emergency euthanasia is decided, or the HHHHHMM Quality of Life Scale reads below 35.
We emerge from these moments broken—never quite the same—shattered and at an absolute loss. What happens next is one of the most natural emotional progressions after such a life-altering experience.
Can you guess what it is?
Don’t worry if you can’t—I’m going to tell you:
Guilt.
When Guilt Follows Loss
Guilt often shows up looking like:
What if I made the wrong decision? What if my dog could have lived longer? Was my cat ready to die? How could I not have been there when they put her down? I should have done it sooner. I should have waited. I should have booked an in-home euthanasia… The list goes on.
Guilt is one of the most common and powerful emotions people face after losing a pet. Whether the loss was sudden, due to illness, or involved the heartbreaking decision of euthanasia, pet owners often find themselves stuck in cycles of “if only,” “what if,” and “I should have”—questioning every decision and action leading up to their pet’s passing.
This kind of guilt can haunt people—keeping them up at night and clouding the joyful memories they shared with their beloved companion.
Understanding Why Guilt Happens
For their entire lives, our pets depend on us for almost everything: food, shelter, medical care, boundaries, fun, love, affection, and social connection.
That sense of responsibility means that when they pass away, many owners feel they’ve failed them in some way, regardless of the circumstances.
Our minds tend to cling to guilt as a way to maintain a sense of control after a traumatic loss—imagining different outcomes, even when we know, logically, there was nothing more we could have done.
Guilt as a Double-Edged Sword
Believe it or not, while guilt is painful, it can serve a purpose. It’s the mind’s way of processing the loss and trying to make sense of what happened.
Sometimes, guilt prompts us to reflect, to learn, and to grow. It can help us understand what we’d want to do differently next time. But through it all, it’s important to remember: your actions were rooted in love and compassion.
However, if guilt lingers too long, it can become harmful—leading to isolation, depression, and resistance to welcoming another pet into your life.
What Helps?
Preparation for pet loss can become an incredibly healing journey if started during a phase known as anticipatory grief.
Being proactive can make a world of difference. Ask yourself:
- Where do I want my pet to pass?
- What will I do with their remains—cremation, burial, or something else?
- How do I want to memorialize them?
By making compassionate, informed decisions ahead of time, you can gain a sense of autonomy and peace—making the process more gentle for both you and your pet.
Self-care during and after pet loss is also essential.
This can look like:
- Calling HR and taking the rest of the week off
- Allowing yourself to fully feel the weight of the loss
- Avoiding people who dismiss your grief
- Putting just one thing on your to-do list and trying to do it
Self-care means tending to your emotional needs and giving yourself space to process. By approaching your feelings holistically, you create room to slowly ease guilt, honour your grief, and reach a place of peaceful remembrance.
When you’re ready, communication after pet loss can be powerful.
Sharing your story can help lift you out of isolation—whether with friends, family, or a professional support service like The Parted Paw.
Moving Forward: Healing from Guilt
Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean forgetting your pet—it means honouring their memory by allowing yourself to heal. Grief is a process, and with time, support, and self-compassion, guilt can give way to gratitude.
Gratitude for the bond you shared. Gratitude for the love that changed your life.
And gratitude for the memories that will stay with you—forever.
Koryn Greenspan is a professional Certified Pet Loss Bereavement Specialist, Professional Dog and Puppy Trainer and a passionate advocate for pet wellness and holistic pet care.
As the founder of The Parted Paw, one of the first pet loss bereavement support services in the country, she is committed to raising awareness about pet loss as well disenfranchised grief and helping workplaces foster empathy and understanding for grieving employees who are anticipating or currently grieving the loss of a beloved pet.
More information about The Parted Paw and Koryn can be seen at www.thepartedpaw.com or on LinkedIn at www.linkedin.com/in/koryn Email: koryn@thepartedpaw.com
